Resources

It is rare to find an organisation founded on traditional values in this space. Dads 4 Kids provides non-bias, non-partisan supports and resources to Australian families with a focus on supports for fathers. As far as I can tell, they have not been ideologically captured by the current political narrative that is all too familiar to those of us going through or have gone through separation. Take a moment to browse their courses and engage with other fathers through their forums.

Find a positive vision of masculinity.

You will feel throughout separation and possibly beyond that you are hated by not only those you would expect, but the systems and supports themselves. So, what are you going to do about it? Find a positive vision of masculinity that serves your needs and ignore the opinions of those who seek to break you. Look to philosophers, successful podcasters, great literary works and religious texts. Nietzche, David Goggins, Jocko Willink and any stories that feature a strong male hero. Even Batman. Steer clear of any radical ideologies as its radical ideology that has caused the system to operate how it does.

Re-affirm your identity. Right now, you are losing everything. Loosing care/rights to your children, your home, your family and your hard-earned savings/super. It is likely your very character is under attack.

In the face of so much loss, the only thing you can truly keep after a separation, if you continue to act appropriately, consistent with who you are, is your character. Don't let them push you into breaking. If you are truly a virtuous man, continue to demonstrate this through your actions.

Find meaning in the pain and connect yourself to a higher purpose.

You cannot control what happens to you, only how you respond to it. Meaning can be found in any life, even one that contains mostly suffering. Assign that meaning and work towards understanding how these events can contribute to your overall character.

Don't do this alone. Reach out to your friends, family, forums, sports teams etc. Your social supports will provide you with strength when you feel like you have none.

Go to the gym and learn to fight. Never underestimate the evil a coward is capable of. Don't be one. Become capable and formidable. Then vow to use your abilities for good. Going to the gym is also great for your overall mental health and wellbeing.

Control the small things. 'To whoever has, more will be given. To whoever has not, even what little they have, will be taken from them.' This principle is called Matthews law. It essentially means that the more wins you get on the board, the more you can expect to get in the future. The more loss's though, the more you can expect to lose.

Start with the small things. take the garbage out, make your bed, do the dishes etc. If things have gotten really bad, get out of bed, get off the couch. You just need to get one win to change your fortunes. If you ruminate constantly on the horrendous things that have happened to you, if you live in that negative mind set for too long, things will get worse for you.

Pick a path and walk it. initially, you may pick the wrong path but at least you're moving forward. Keep going blokes.

Eden Psychology is a small private practice in Bendigo providing psychology and psychotherapy services to children, adolescents, and adults. They offer a warm and welcoming environment and are ready to assist you and your children to navigate life's challenges.

It is also where author Kristian Wright operates his play therapy clinic.

Please follow them on Facebook and reach out if you would like to engage with their services.

You've lost your family, your home and likely a huge chunk of your finances. The future you had envisaged for yourself, your dream life, has been ripped away from you. So, the question is, what are you meant to do now?

Without a new vision for your future, you are in danger of never letting go of the one that has been lost. the Self Authoring Suite takes you through a series of exercises where you write about your past, analysing key positive and negative life events. Your present, where you examine and work through ways to rectify personality faults with the goal of establishing personality virtues. Finishing with the future authoring suite, where you come up with a new meaningful, healthy and productive vision for 3-5 years down the track that you can being to work towards.

Greg Egan is an accredited Counsellor and Mental Health Social Worker. He has created a series of videos and resources for men going through separation including Mental Health tips and exercises as well as videos explaining some of the pathological behaviours displayed by narcissistic parents. Greg has lived experience of the family court system and has a genuine passion and enthusiasm for helping men going through separation. Follow his YouTube linked below for more.

Blokes Advice on Facebook is run by blokes, for blokes. They post general men's interest items as well as encouraging wors and supports around the challenges men face. The Victorian Brotherhood is a state based male suicide prevention group that offers a closed forum for men to discuss their situations. These a just a few examples of the genuine grass roots movements happening on social media and in your local community. Reach out and make some connections with people going through what you are going through.

Counselling/Cognitive Behavioural Therapy/other talk-based therapies.

Human beings interpret the world through a personal narrative. It does help to make sense of the events in your story through talking about them. A skilled clinician can guide you through the process of speaking your narrative out loud in order to come to healing realisations. A mental health care plan can provide up to 10 Medicare subsidised sessions with a Psychologist/councillor/ other mental health care professional.

Crisis Support Lines

It is vital that all men know that there are crisis supports available to them with counsellors who are on standby to hear them out in their darkest moments. These services are useful and may save your life.

These services are designed to council you through a crisis. If it primarily ager you are feeling, these services may not be appropriate to call. Hit a boxing bag, lift or channel it effectively into a worthy pursuit.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Check with your counsellor/mental health professional regarding their mandatory reporting criteria. Typically, counsellors/psychologists are not permitted to disclose anything you report to them unless they believe you, or someone else, is in immediate danger.

Neil and Kristian are currently in the process of recording The Saturdad Podcast, your comprehensive guide to separation and part time parenting made by blokes, for blokes.

Throughout the series we will be covering topics such as: What to do directly after separation, building a positive vision of masculinity and your future, some parenting tips for dads from a play therapist, common childhood conditions such as Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD, ODD and Attachment Theory and much more. Click the button below and subscribe to our YouTube.